Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
