Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
