btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
