Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
