I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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