idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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