My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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