Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
