That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
