then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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