remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
