I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
