I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
