I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
