There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
