she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
