dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
