so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
