And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
