i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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