so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
