i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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