you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You smell like stripper and shame
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
