Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
