I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are all done wearing pants today
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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