The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
