Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
