It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
