Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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