My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
