when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
