You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
