She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
