woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
