This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
