I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
