kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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