The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
