those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize