dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
