I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
