my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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