is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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