I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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