So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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