Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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