so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
