I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
