i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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