I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
