Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
