I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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