i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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