when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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