Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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