And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
