Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
