Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
