You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
