i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
