I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
