Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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