piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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