The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize