Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
