also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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