Hey man sorry I got all grabby
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
