we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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