I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize