If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
