just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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