I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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