where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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